In Babies and more We have spoken on multiple occasions of perinatal losses, those that occur during pregnancy, in childbirth or shortly after birth. We do this because by force of repeating the message it is more likely that society begins to stop treating this issue as if it were a taboo.
Taboo, yes, because we keep running away from negative emotions, especially if the problem is not ours. We fled in such a way that today I could read the story of a woman who, after losing her baby, thought that could take advantage of social networks to talk about it and lost 26 friends, who did not want to read what he said.
It can happen to anyone
And the truth is that something like this can happen to anyone. Unfortunately, it is more common than people think. More common than those who have never happened to them believe, and more common than those who have lost a baby believe.
What happens is that there is no talk about it because people do not know how to listen, do not know how to support, do not know what to say, and it ends up becoming a controversial issue. Thus, when the person who needs to speak encounters resistance, sees that people disappear from their surroundings or only receive messages that try to minimize their pain, they end up preferring not to talk about it.
Minimizing the problem?
So is. We work like this. We're so little connected with our emotions, so anesthetized by one's own and others' pain, of negative things, that instead of facing them we try to eliminate them from our lives by encapsulating them in some way or by putting walls or barriers. The thought that not looking at the problem disappears, that turning your back is solved.
We are like that because the world has made us that way. Why since childhood they have taught us to completely hide our negative emotions, and because from the beginning they taught us that our pain doesn't matter, that nobody cares. When we hurt each other, they quickly told us that it had been nothing, that we did not cry. When we told Mom that the teacher treated us badly, she told us that she was very good and that she loved us very much. When we explained that there were children who hurt us, the parents agreed that they were children's things and that nothing happened, even if we felt that the other child was going to kill us. When we said that a teacher beat us, they told us that it would not be so bad, or that the children he hit would have done something to deserve it. When we said that a girl had broken our hearts they told us that we were very young and what we knew about love.
And so we end up normalizing things that we didn't think were normal for children. And so we end up doing the same: minimize, always doubt the victim and think that the aggressor may have a plausible explanation; run away from people who complain too much; flag the "Hey, we all have our own problems"; and tell a woman who has lost her baby that nothing happens, that happens to many.
That nothing happens
That same, that nothing happens, that it is very common, that many have suffered one or more abortions and do not go around the world crying or complaining, that they turn the page right away, that they are aware that they are young and that he hears, if it did not come out ahead is because it did not have to be born; and better now than later ... even better now that he had just been born, more older when you would have more affection for him.
A message that enters powerful in the mind of the one who suffers, that feels totally misunderstood and that not only cries the loss of her baby, but also cries for feeling weak and affected, as broken inside, as fragile, because all the world tells him that that's why he doesn't cry for long, that there are much worse things.
And of course there are worse things. There are always worse things. But that does not mean that for each of us our problems are important. If not, the entire world population should silence less one person, who really lives the worst of everything.
Of course
So if you have suffered a loss, don't feel bad about feeling bad. You must allow yourself to cry, and you must be able to find people who want and know how to listen. Believe me there are. Search, explain, talk when you need it and cry as much as it takes, because loss is what it is, goodbye to a baby you were preparing a "HELLO" as a house.
And if you are someone who knows someone who has suffered a loss, understand what he feels. Do not minimize it, do not be paternalistic, do not tell him what he should or should not feel because it is she who has lived it. Just listen, if he wants to talk to you, and hug, if he wants to do it. Because one of the best ways to move forward (not to get over it, because this is never forgotten) is for the person to work their pain by talking about him, feeling understanding and support, receiving the love of people who do not subtract, but add.
