Gloria Visors is a Child Sexual Abuse Survivor (ASI), whom we already know for information related to the prevention of these abuses in sport. She was the first 'girl gymnast' in Spain, and held the title of Absolute Champion nationally at age 15 (in 1980); having accumulated many other merits in international competitions including a European Championship, two World Championships and the Moscow Olympic Games.
After leaving the sport, he completed a Bachelor of Arts in Communication and English Philology at HB University (Houston / Texas / USA). Now she is a 49-year-old woman who has three children between the ages of seven and 21; and also a professional who has worked in jobs related to the technology sector
We interviewed her (as we did with Vicky Bernadet), because We believe it is very important to disseminate the problem of ASIs, which occur in 20-25% of girls, and 10-15% of boys, statistics that have not changed over the years (according to various studies). We also do it, because there are people who, having suffered from them, far from hiding, can help preventive guidelines so that parents can incorporate into the emotional and educational relationship we have with children.
As we mentioned here, ASIs are a hidden but also daily reality, and the approach from the family is far from simple, so it is not convenient not to judge the actions of the parents of the victims (much less the children), but learn as a society, and stand against it, so that by demonstrating the problem it is easier to fight against it. Glory suffered sexual abuse between 12 and 15 years from his coach, and then he didn't tell anyone out of fear, shame, and why he had come to believe he was partly to blame. Other companions of his had also been abused, but as part of his survival strategy he did not want to know, although years later they had the opportunity to share their experience.
I leave you with the interview aimed at understanding the mechanisms that hinder the communication of the facts by the minor; and how to learn as fathers and mothers to prevent, having clear the steps to take in the case of unfortunately the child in our charge suffers abuse.
Peques and More.- Surprisingly, ASI is still hidden today, and from my point of view this makes it difficult to approach the problem. What factors do you think contribute to this fact?
Gloria Visors.- The children are manipulable. Children feel guilt, shame and fear. The children victims of ASI live trapped in a reality that they don't know how to get out because they usually don't know what's happening to them. Abuse occurs in the vast majority of cases in trusted environments of the child where the dynamics of the relationship between the abuser and the child is based on the manipulation by the adult of the emotional ties that unites them. It is very difficult for a child to face being judged for betraying an adult. It is tremendously cruel to face being called a liar or a liar when you have suffered sexual abuse, but that is the reality that many children who are victims of ASI live.
A child does not have enough experience or maturity to be able to invent sexual abuse
PyM.- From your experience, do you think the social response has improved over time?
G.V.- I think it hasn't improved much. Each time a case arises, the first reaction is not to believe the child (or the adult who after many years claims to have been a victim of ASI). The child tends to be blamed because culturally the word of an adult always has more weight than that of a child. It tends to be said that these types of complaints are made to harm the abuser when, in reality, what happens is that he is again subjected to atrocious revictimization at the time of disclosure. Abusers are excellent manipulators and know how to leave grateful people who will defend you at any given time. My experience of revictimization as an adult has been horrible, to suffer this as a child after suffering ASI has to be appalling.
PyM.- More than half of the abusers are people very close to the child, we cannot deny these data, nor should we fall into generalization. Would it help to know how to choose who will take care of our children? What criteria should parents follow when choosing to avoid risks?
G.V.- I think the most important thing is that children have a clear line of open communication with the family. A child who speaks at home since he is very young is easier to ask if he has a doubt or to show signs of abuse. It is important to take the time to listen to them and talk to them. The problem that worries most is when the abuse occurs within the family, there the child is completely unprotected.
PyM.- What feelings invade a child who suffers sexual abuse? Is it easy for the abuser to exercise his 'authority' to ensure that the child does not count anything?
G.V.- It is very easy: a child is confident by nature of their reference adults. It is very easy to make a child feel guilty and complicit. It is very easy to make a child keep a secret out of fear and guilt. I think the child thinks that nobody is going to believe his word in front of that of an adult. I have already talked a little about feelings:Guilt, shame, fear. The boy thinks he is betraying someone who loves him ...
Abuse occurs in the vast majority of cases in trustful environments of the child where the dynamics of the relationship between the abuser and the child is based on the manipulation by the adult of the emotional ties that unites them
PyM.- Better to prevent than to treat the sequels, you affirm that children can learn to protect themselves. What are the most valuable tips we should offer you?
G.V.- I think you have to talk to children clearly about which are correct behaviors of adults and which are not. I think you can teach a child to protect yourself without scaring you, just as a child is taught to have respect for water without instilling fear of water. You have to talk to the children of your body, how to take care of it and what are the limits that no one should exceed, not even us as parents. You have to teach them recognize and respect the limits of their friends because they can recognize when someone is exceeding their own limits. We must teach them that they can say NO and make them understand that everyone, including us, must respect it when they say NO.
PyM.- I suppose that for different reasons prevention is not always easy, or it does not work. What factors are facilitating that the child dares to tell what happened to him?
G.V.- I think you have to let the children express themselves. Listen to them without judging and guide them to learn to make the right decisions. They can be taught to trust us as parents if they have any questions or anything bothers them, but This is only done if one takes the time to listen to them since they are very young. I think they can be taught that their actions and decisions have consequences but they also have a solution if we can talk about it. I think they can be taught to make a decision knowing the consequences it can have and knowing that even if it is the wrong decision, everything can be talked about and solved, without judging, without threatening ... without secrets.
a child can be taught to protect himself without the need to scare him
PyM.- And what about the responsible adult? What steps should I take when I find out?
G.V.- The most important is child protection and this is where you have to start. I think that an adult who detects a case of child sexual abuse the first thing he has to do is listen to the child without judging, calmly and without frightening the child. And then to inform the parents or the authorities. There are experts who know how to take these cases, psychologists and specialist educators who know how to give the necessary support to the child and the family. A child does not invent such a thing, he does not have enough experience or maturity to be able to invent sexual abuse.
So far our interview with Gloria Viseras, I am very grateful for your collaboration, as well as for the brevity of your responses. There is not much more to say, except that perhaps it is time to show the ASI, and not to accept them. It may sound strange to say that on more than one occasion it is accepted, however to do so we must only remain indifferent, and that is what should be avoided.
