We continue publishing today the interview we have conducted with the child psychologist Edurne Simón around child sexuality. Today we will talk about some more specific issues that parents will face in the childhood of our children for whom it is convenient to be prepared.
The limit to worry about, when do they "touch each other too much"?
There is usually a phase of discovery that is usually more intense. They have just known the pleasure of self-stimulation and do not modulate frequency or intensity. Also for them it usually has no connotation.
The most important thing in this regard is that we do not censor the behavior, they will learn that sexuality is something to be ashamed of and hide from and that will bring us problems. We must emphasize that it is a behavior that must be done in private because it involves very private parts of our body and just as we do not “pee” or “shower in the middle of the street” and we must be attentive to hygiene conditions .
Generally it is temporary and coincides with the "discovery", if it reappears later with intensity if we should worry and inquire about the issue. How to determine when it is a lot, corresponds more to the common sense and knowledge of our children, any “compulsive” behavior should put us on alert, they may be using it to release anxiety or tension and in this case we should worry, not so much because they are touched, if not for the basic problem.
How and when to help children understand that touching should be done in private?
If we have taught you that there are behaviors that must be done in private and parts of the body that are also from the beginning, we will have a good part of the way. The moment is the moment when self-stimulation appears in public, which is usually the moment when stimulation appears, because as we have said, for them it has no connotations of any kind. Regarding the mode, this is a fabulous opportunity to build the foundations of a positive and open communication about sexuality, which we will very much need in the future. It is best to explain it in a context of intimacy, as we have said without blaming, without making too many fuss and from naturalness. We explain that there are things that are done in public and things that are done in private. We remind you that there are parts of the body that are very private and therefore belong to the private sphere and we can make comparisons with the bathroom, etc. Above all, do not ridicule or blame, we would all have won a lot with a less negative view and less charged with the guilt of sexuality.
Recently someone asked me this question, are kisses and games with children of the same sex, are they signs of homosexuality, are they normal, should we repress them or explain something to the child?
The game is the most powerful tool for the development of a child and through the symbolic game they put their skills into practice. Relationship, affective or sexual affective skills are no exception. Many times these games appear even before gender identification, and in any case, it is a way to experiment with all the information and experiences they receive without major pretensions. They probably don't know that homosexuality exists and if so, we should ask ourselves if this worries us and why. In any case it will depend on the age of the children and the age difference between them, how to approach it, but like the rest of sexual behaviors it is important to treat it from naturalness and without blaming. Regarding whether they are signs of homosexuality, no, if we talk about early ages. There are very few studies on homosexuality in childhood, although sexual orientation does not appear at such early ages, beyond this, these types of games are not usually initiated by attraction but by experimentation.
When is the age difference in scouting games inadequate?
I think it is important to point out in this regard, that we should not only take into account the chronological age but also the difference in capabilities, sometimes we forget. If we talk about ages, more than two years apart are usually already inappropriate, but it will depend on the age of the child, a difference between a child of one and one of three is not the same, that between one of three and one of six or between one of eleven and one of thirteen.
How can we select the contents that reach our children?
It is really difficult, there is a part that we cannot control because it comes through channels that we do not handle, especially as they grow. When they are younger if we can control the information that comes to them, checking it first. The most important thing is not to control everything, because it is impossible, if not to jointly address what comes to them. Talk about it, give them the opportunity to ask and answer their questions adapting it to their abilities.
How to react if he says bad things he has heard from other children?
In the first place, we are not scandalized or reacting excessively. Then we can ask them where they have heard it or to whom, if they know what it means and explaining that there are “badly sounding” words that we should not reproduce or behaviors that may be impolite, not bad, impolite or that may be unpleasant for other people. Beyond that we can talk to the parents of the other children, if the case is very striking. But in relation to our son, we should not give it too much importance, if our reaction is unnatural it may become a resource to get our attention or that of others.
And the questions, do we wait for them or explain them before they are asked?
The questions are best answered as they appear. That is the moment when the child is prepared, at least his curiosity is and his attention will be too. If it is important to answer it when it appears, if it catches us out of place, we can give a brief explanation and then return to the topic based on a story or something similar.
There is only one case related to sexual affective development in which I usually recommend getting ahead and that is when the little one is going to have a new brother.
We greatly appreciate the time you have dedicated to us the child psychologist Edurne Simón, and we hope this interview it has helped you to know and better understand the evolution and manifestations of the child sexuality.
