Two weeks ago we talked about two-year-old children receiving an average of 400 orders a day, commenting that they are too many and that we should try to educate otherwise. Some mothers on Facebook criticized the entry meaning that if we didn't give them orders, let's see how we were going to teach them what they can or cannot do.
Obviously, we don't talk about stopping to tell children what they can't do, or what they can do, but about doing it less times, when it's really necessary, and the rest of the time try to order less and talk more, or better, Teach by example. Years ago I read a phrase that I use often, whose author I do not know, but that stayed with me forever: educating a child is all we do when we are not educating.
And to illustrate the phrase I wanted to use that image that says a lot, a lot, about what babies and children do. Has anyone told the girl to paint her nails? Has anyone told you not to do it? No, neither one thing nor the other, and in any case most likely, on more than one occasion, your mother has told you not to touch her cosmetic products, creams, nail polishes, etc.
But children, children are, and if they have anything, it is that they are constant. And they are more if they don't just understand what you are asking. What is the point of asking me not to touch something if you touch it? For them, probably, little. That is why it is important to explain things to them, again and again, if it is necessary a thousand times, until the day comes when they understand that they should not touch it and leave it. And in the meantime, we can set aside what we don't want them to touch to avoid major dislikes.
What if they appear with painted toenails?
Well, we do the same thing you did when you saw the image: smile with a look of tenderness, because the girl (or the boy, who could also be), did not pretend to bother, did not intend to piss anyone off, has not done so as revenge for anything. She saw one day, or several days, that mom painted her nails, watched how she did it and in the silence of her games, she took the opportunity to do the same as mom.
We cannot be angry, we must not be angry, because it is only imitating us. Imitate, what children do to learn to live. What we do when we look at someone and want to aspire to resemble each other in some way. What they must do to grow and develop. That is why it is said that it is good that they are with parents not only in the so-called quality time, but at other times when we do everyday things. How else will they know the world around them?
Where do I want to arrive?
To that place where acts are more important than words. That place where a father and a mother realize that children do what they see. That place where the "do what I say, not what I do" makes no sense because it is a phrase as absurd as "I tell you a secret that they have told me, but do not tell anyone", because at the moment that you break the trust of the one who told you, there is no reason for the next one to keep the confidence.
I want to get to that place where parents are aware that children learn much more from what we do than from what we tell them. It's not that they don't listen to us, they do, but poor you that your words are not consistent with your actions. You will lose credibility, you will lose authority and they will have a strong reason to choose between the two paths, that of your words or that of your actions.
If it has helped me to have children, and I am very happy, it is to be clear who I want to be and who does not. Because I know that they surround me, because I know they are aware of what I do, I try every day to be a better person. Sometimes I do better, sometimes worse. Sometimes I have to assume mistakes and apologize. But I try every day because if I am his mirror, it is my responsibility to try to show how important it is to be respectful and humble. How to pretend that they are also like this if I am the opposite?
And not only that, be consistent and, as I said, do not give them utopian sermons, explain life to them as we understand it and, thus, see that dad and mom have clear values. We are not perfect, we cannot be perfect, but we must try to be those people we want them to be.
