The controversial decision of a woman after losing her libido as a mother: let her husband go to bed with others

Pregnancy and childbirth are two events that greatly modify the woman's body, not only physically, but also hormonally. There are so many changes that can sometimes affect the functioning of the body itself (the thyroid gland can make a little "crazy") and also emotional functioning: many postpartum depressions are associated with hormonal factors and loss of sexual desire It happens for the same cause.

Losing the desire to have sex, what we know as "losing libido", is something completely normal in women. In fact, it is an evolutionary advantage (now we will explain why), and all you have to do is wait for the desire to return. However, in some couples, this event can be a problem, as it was for Ryan and Amy Jones. After lose all desire to maintain relationships with him, and seeing that your marriage could be at risk allowed him to sleep with other women.

Why it is normal to lose sexual desire after childbirth

The human species, like many other species of mammals, has adapted over the course of thousands of years of existence to a functioning in which changes and variations are happening, especially in the case of women, in order to have children and take care of them, or what is the same: preserve the species.

The maternal instinct, which exists precisely to want to have children, the changes that occur during breastfeeding, when many women do not menstruate to avoid a new pregnancy that may put at risk the care of the first child, or lack of sexual desire, whose objective is focus care and attention on the baby and not in the search for a man to mate with are some of the solutions planned to achieve that goal.

And in men? Well, the desire to have sex with women ... we don't need much more. Then, of course, is the reasoning of them and ours, which controls and modifies the impulses and instincts to adapt to the society in which we live and decide to what extent to give them free rein or cancel them completely.

But focusing on sexual desire after childbirth, the explanation is that. As we read in Alba Breastfeeding:

No mammalian female is put in heat during breastfeeding; their suitors perceive it by the smell and do not approach. The only mammal species that have sex during breastfeeding are humans and kangaroos.

And that lack of desire responds, as we say, to the need for females to be interested in their young and not in males. Hormonally it is explained by a game of balances and imbalances: they decrease estrogens Y progesterone, to prevent ovulation, menstruation and sexual desire, and increases prolactin, which is responsible for making milk. These hormones are antagonistic: if prolactin goes up, estrogen and progesterone go down, and vice versa, that's why many women who breastfeed don't have the period until they spend one or two years, while breastfeeding.

The story of Amy and Ryan Jones

Well, this is what happened to Amy, what happens to many women, who had no interest in sleeping with Ryan. He lost his passion for him, and seeing that it could generate a problem in his relationship, and that could put his marriage at risk, he chose give it the green light to be with others.

This decision, as we read in the Daily Mail, has made both of them happier and that their marriage goes on without sex, but with love by both of you.

Amy explains that after having her two children, motherhood leaves her so exhausted that the last thing she thinks about is maintaining relationships with Ryan. It also happened with his first baby. As a couple they have been sexually active even during pregnancy, as they say they got to do it every day. However, as soon as he was born, he focused absolutely on his baby and the libido disappeared completely.

When he wanted to sleep with her he had to tell her that he didn't feel like at all, and he came to think that it was his fault, that he had done something wrong. Amy told him that there was no problem with him, that he was not angry and that he still loved him the same as on the first day, when he met him at the age of 14 (they are now 30 and 32 of him), but that he had no interest in it. Because his priority was his baby.

And she offered him the chance to be with other girls

He felt so bad for not responding to him that he thought it could be a good solution for him to maintain relationships with other women provided he followed the rules she imposed. He was very surprised to hear that, but she stood firm in his decision and even insisted: its purpose was preserve your marriage and avoid conflicts.

With that objective, he explained that he could do it whenever there was no affection involved. She had to know who they were and she had to be able look at your mobile, emails and messages on social networks. Besides, I could only be with one girl at a time, because I also didn't intend to allow any relationship.

Till the date, Ryan has slept with four women, whose identities Amy knows perfectly, as well as the details of those encounters, in what they both see as a solution to a problem of sexual desire: he has, according to her account, a high desire, and she quite the opposite. Until their libido is the same as before, they have made this decision which, by being agreed, and under certain standards, satisfies both.

Despite this, it is still a controversial measure

This is one of those actions of every couple that one can respect, but perhaps not understand. Like those couples who make exchanges, or threesomes, or ... I completely respect their decisions, but I personally don't understand them. It will be that I am very traditional in this sense, and it will be that as a man I would be totally able to understand my wife if she told me that she does not feel like maintaining relations as a mother.

In fact, if he offered me this solution, I would do my best to show him that my love does not depend on sexual relations, nor our marriage (perhaps Amy doubts Ryan's ability to control his sexual impulse and put forward the marriage?), and in case of insistence on your part I would have to break too many psychological barriers before accepting it, and it would cost me too much for a very clear reason: I imagine the situation was the reverse and I don't see myself making the same decision.

But of course, all this is what I say now that I am not living it. Who knows what would happen if my situation were different. And perhaps this is the problem: that many people are not able to respect the decisions of others because is not able to contemplate the possibility that in a moment of life they are in the same situation.

Photos | Daily Mail
In Babies and more | Sexual desire of the father during pregnancy, Sexuality in man after childbirth, Sexual intercourse during breastfeeding

Video: Sadhguru Answers Is It Wrong To Have Sex Before Marriage? Youth and Truth @ JNU. Mystics of India (March 2024).